Response to Conduit…

Response to Conduit….

mil gracias to everyone for the warm reception, for reading and commenting on my first blog post….and especially, thank you to Amalia for opening up and for risking possibly being perceived as hokey…brava!

it is a lastima (“it is a shame” doesn’t mean the same thing…’shame’ you’d shake your head at….’lastima’ is a lingering wound over a loss)…it is a lastima that we fear being able to speak of the spirit when it comes to writing…

i may be horribly paraphrasing this, but there is a section in Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ The Creative Fire” where she says that one of the main functions we have as writers is to make it possible for the river of our creativity to flow—our work is to remove the artificial dams, the wreckage of fallen trees, the trash and litter that have murkied the clear waters…for me, that is very much about learning how to get out of my own way—to come to the page and lose my fear, to come to the page and forget about my ego, forget about my expectations for the work, forget about others’ ideas of what is or isn’t good or valuable or meaningful..

i want to come to the page naked…and when i leave it, i want to be even more profoundly naked—beyond my body or my insecurities or my fears—i want to bare the essence of myself…

i saw something on facebook yesterday where someone had drawn a figure of 3 interlapping circles, one labeled ‘mind,’ the other ‘mouth,’ and the other ‘heart’…..they had then gone and placed all the writers they’d read somewhere on this figure….with their favorite writers all in the space where all three circles met….i felt that there were circles missing….i would have at least added ‘gut’ and ‘sex’….or better, maybe there should have been a circle for each chakra… because mind/heart/mouth seems very incomplete to me…i don’t know that i trust writers who are not in  their bodies…

over time, i’ve thought of writing as a tool for many things—as escape, as a channel for overwhelming feelings of anger or depression, as documentation, as a mode of healing, as an expression of our bodies, as a way of working with energy itself…

it’s that last thing that fascinates me…there are writers, like Leslie Marmon Silko, Jeanette Winterson, or Juan Rulfo—whose work viscerally flings my body into another reality, exquisitely wrenching my vision so that the energy of the universe is practically visible, almost tangible…i want to work with words that way…

and that’s impossible if you’re in your own way…impossible if the river is polluted and blocked and obstacle’d….impossible if all that other crap—the who-will-publish-my-work and will-i-be-able-to-sell-this-novel and will-i-win-the-award and people-are-going-to-think-I’m-insane gets in the way….impossible if i’m not willing or if i forget (?) to sit with my spirit, if i forget that  that’s where everything comes from…

some people may read that as ‘religious’ or ‘new-agey’..but i don’t think it’s either…i think it comes from the indigenous views of reality that came from my mother/my culture/nature/my life that i’ve somehow managed to retain in spite of the society we live in and its values…i believe our freedom, our creativity, our healing lies in how we perceive reality, how we interact with spirit/energy…

it is a lastima that we’re not more willing to talk about spirit, about energy, about our ways of perceiving the universe and the energy that it’s made of, the poetry the universe is made of…

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8 thoughts on “Response to Conduit…”

  1. ah, you should join us for the workshop “women who dare write their stories”. It’s all about overcoming the obstacles– ego, worry, fear– of our writing. currently working on that myself so this definitely resonates.

  2. Thanks for the reminder. It seems as if clearing those pools of energy is a lifelong journey. But it is wonderful to be reminded of the real reasons why we should continue on the that journey.
    ~Marisol

  3. ire’ne, I’m so glad you started a blog. I meant to tell you how much I enjoyed the first one and before I had a chance to, you’ve already written a second! It’s good to hear a discussion about letting go of fear to allow our spirit, the flow of creativity, get through without all the murkiness that get in the way. I admire Amalia’s courage in being real about her feeling in a very specific way as well.

    1. thanks, gloria–i’m not quite sure about all the places this blog is going to go…but so far, i’ve been really excited about doing it…maybe it’s just me, but i think that on one end, when we’re new to the writing in a public space, we barely know what to think….and then when we’ve worked and been battered around a bit for a decade or more, then it seems as if there’s a reluctance to talk about spirit and emotion and creativity–as if we’re supposed to grow hardened shells and only talk shop in a professional manner, or worse, in a cynical and calloused manner…

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